“Some of it is a bit boring – the life admin – but we have to nurture the relationship like we do everything else,” says Moyle. ![]() In a long-term relationship, what you may have lost in terms of excitement and novelty, you hopefully will have gained in security and comfort. “Once people start to understand where those places were and what they looked like, they’re best placed to make different choices,” says Major. You might, says Major, “suddenly wake up one morning and you think: ‘We haven’t really done that for a year, I wonder why that is.’ Have you lost the ability to be curious about what’s happening in your relationship or has life overtaken you and obliterated any time to stop and stare?” When you start to look back over your relationship, you may spot places where you could have checked in with your partner and didn’t. Which is not to say that people can’t find their partner exciting and interesting and fun, and have good sex.” “Some therapists will say the being in love stage is really only the bringing together of the couple and that will fade, but hopefully what takes over is a much deeper, richer, sense of each other. “You can’t go back to that because now you do know more about your partner, and more about what it’s like to be in a long-term relationship with them.” It depends on what your definition of being “in love” means, she says. You had yet to find the things that annoy you about your partner “because you didn’t know each other that well”, says Major. Perhaps you didn’t have children, or your job was less stressful, or you had more disposable income. Of course you would love to get back to the giddy days when you first met and couldn’t keep your hands off each other. “I hear a lot of: ‘I just thought things would sort themselves out’ and we know that isn’t true.” So, is it possible to reconnect with your partner, and if so, how can you do it? Be realistic ![]() “It won’t change unless it is actively being changed by those involved,” says Moyle. But if you feel your relationship is drifting, don’t bank on it being only temporary.
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